Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in sharxgrrl's LiveJournal:

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
10:12 am	does anyone even pay attention to this journal any more? :) Current Mood: sick (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 9th, 2002
12:26 am	just updating... don't want livejournal thinking i've abandoned this one or anything :) (Comment on this)
Monday, August 6th, 2001
9:01 pm	I got some bad news today. When I came home... my mom told me that my paternal grandfather is expected to die within the next 24 hours. We went and saw him last year, when he moved into a nursing home... he wasn't expected to live six months at that point. I'm not surprised he made it longer... he's a feisty old man. This is the same man that, when we said goodbye, he said "Love you" to my sister, and "be good" to me. Smart man. :snork: Dude. Dude.... Bree, you're wearing off on me, even from Alabama! But seriously. The thing is... I don't feel much about this. I don't know if I'm numb for a reason, or if I'm just a heartless bitch... my paternal grandparents never really made an effort to have a relationship with my sister or I after my father died. But I do love my grandfather... he had such a twinkle in his eye even when he wasn't feeling good, when I saw him last year. Why don't I feel anything about this? Maybe I really am a heartless bitch. Current Mood: confused Current Music: computer fan whirring (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 27th, 2001
11:53 pm	Fear the update! I see...my room. Possibilities of what is to come. I find...that the more things change, the more things stay the same. I want... Coldstone Ice Cream. Stability. Happiness... without guilt. Freedom without conditions. I have...a ton of kickass friends. A great boyfriend. More material things than I should have. I love...Kathy, Mel, Mike, Ross, Diebin, Donna, Tams, Aya, April, Liz, Emily, all my other friends... my car... my pets... my family (sometimes)... the fact that yes I?m a girl and dammit, i?m good at video games and I know a ton about hockey. I hate...myself, often. Something I am working on, but it?s definitely a work in progress. I miss... the innocence of many years ago. Even though high school sure didn?t feel like it ? those were innocent times. I?d like to go back to having my biggest worry being to pull good grades out of it. I fear...my dreams. Sleeping. Knowing my mind is trying to warn me of something, but I?m unsure of what. I feel...unstable. I hear...a movie playing in the background. The fan on my computer. Mundane things. I smell...nothing of consequence. I crave...GOLDFISH CRACKERS. In a big way. Who knows why. I wonder...about what might have been. I regret...giving up on myself. Letting myself get so far away from the dreams I once had. Getting myself into some of the situations I am in now. When was the last time you... Smiled? Earlier this evening when IMing Diebin Laughed? See above Cried? Couple of days ago Bought something? Tonight. But I had a merchandise credit!! Danced? Um. Depends on your definition of dancing. Last time i played DDR (which I *do* consider to be), was Monday night (would have played tonight, but hurt my leg on Sunday/Monday) Were sarcastic? Oh jeez I dont know. I don?t even notice when I?m sarcastic any more. Kissed someone? Whenever it was I last saw Mel. Sooo... Tuesday night. Talked to an ex? Ummm... yesterday (Tuesday) afternoon Watched your favorite movie? I?ve got a bunch of them, so technically one of them right now (Run Lola Run) Had a nightmare? Last night. Can?t remember it. A Last time for everything.... Last book you read: don?t even remember. I read mostly magazines now (bad melly) Last movie you saw: one i?m watching now ? run lola run Last movie you saw on the big screen: shrek :D Last song you heard: I couldn?t even tell you. Music is a constant thing for me, so who knows. Last time you showered: last night. Need to go hop in soon actually! Last thing you ate: chicken caesar salad. As usual. Do you... Smoke? Not unless set on fire. Do drugs? Not unless a doctor tells me to. Have sex? No comment. :D Sleep with stuffed animals? Yeah so sue me. Live in the moment? Occasionally. The past is something I tend to revisit often. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Uh. Duh. :D Have a dream that keeps coming back? Not a specific dream, but recurring themes. Play an instrument? Is the computer keyboard an instrument? (no I dont.) Oh wait! I play Guitar Freaks! ;D Believe there is life on other planets? Who knows. I?m more concerned with the stupidity on this one. Remember your first love? yup Still love him/her? Occasionally. Read the newspaper? Online, yes. Have any gay or lesbian friends? Yeah. Believe in miracles? If I didnt... there wouldn?t be much left to live for. Believe it?s possible to remain faithful forever? Absolutely. Consider yourself tolerant of others? Yup. The world has too much tolerance already, I try not to add to it. Consider love a mistake? Sometimes. Not now. Like the taste of alcohol? Hm. Some kinds. Have a favorite candy? MELTYKISS!!!! Believe in Astrology? Not really. Believe in magic? For some reason a REALLY cheesy song is running through my head now. Believe in God? Yes. Pray? yes Go to church? No. Have any secrets? Doesn?t everyone? Have any pets? Two kitties. They?re following me around tonight. I?m not sure what they?ve done to my stuff, but I?m pretty sure they?ve done something. Talk to strangers who instant message you? Not any more. Too many freaks out there. Wear hats? Not often Have any piercings? Two in each ear, navel soon. Have any tattoos? nope Hate yourself? Yes, sometimes. I?m working on that. Have an obsession? Hello, DDR. *I WILL FULL COMBO KICK THE CAN* Collect anything? Emotional baggage. Dust. Random stuff. Have a best friend? Several. Wish on stars? Can?t hurt. Like your handwriting? Sure why not? Have any bad habits? Doesn?t everyone? Care about looks? To an extent. At the moment, i?m pretty pleased with myself, i?m pleased with my friends, and definitely pleased with my bf. Everyone else... does it really matter? Anyway ? it?s what is inside that is way more important than the way a person looks. Believe in witches? Not really Believe in Satan? yeah Believe in ghosts? undecided Believe in Santa? No way because I?ve been good man and I got NOTHING!! Believe in the Easter Bunny? Not since I saw my dad hiding the eggs Believe in the Tooth Fairy? nah Have a second family? Yup. Trust others easily? Too easily. Like noise? I can fall asleep at a sharks game. During play. If I can do that.. I have to like noise. Take walks in the rain? If it?s not freezing, yes. Kiss with your eyes closed? Yup :) most of the time, at least :) Sing in the shower? Badly! Own handcuffs? Nope. Have any scars? Yeah but can?t for the life of me think where. Bridge of my nose, on my hand... they?re all small and barely noticeable. Current Mood: exhausted (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 20th, 2001
7:06 pm	Been meaning to do this for a while 1. If you had the choice to spin around the sun, or walk on the moon, which would you choose? Hm. Probably walk on the moon? I am much more fond of the moon than the sun, the sun can be way too hot? as well as the view of the earth would be much more breathtaking from the moon than from the sun. 2. If you could share that experience with one person, who would that be, and why? I?m sure that he already knows who he is. 3. What color do you think best describes you and why? Blue, green or purple. Colors that have vibrancy to them, yet are still cool and somewhat mellow. 4. Do you know what your element is? If so, what is it? I think officially I?m an air sign, if that?s what this means. I know I tend to be ?in my element? when I?m in a video arcade or a hockey arena. 5. Do you know your astrological sign? If so, what is it? I?m a Libra. Cursed to indecisiveness, and doomed to see both sides of things all the time. 6. Do you believe that your dreams are a gateway to your soul? I certainly hope not. Most of my dreams are either seriously bizarre, or nightmares. It?s possible that dreams are part of a gateway to the soul but... I don?t think they?re the whole story. 7. What is your most vivid dream? Seriously? Several months back I dreamed that my (now ex) boyfriend and I broke up ? and I threw his ring back into his face. It?s the only time I?ve actually woken up crying ? at that point, I was happy because I woke up and realized it was a dream. Now I?m happy because I wake up and it?s a reality ? because I?ve found someone who is much better for me and I totally adore. 8. If you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing and why? Hanging out with my friends, doing almost anything. I?m in Reno with my family right now... and I hate the feeling of not being able to get out and do what I want to do. 9. If you could only choose one element to surround yourself with either a)wind, b)fire, c)earth, or d)water, which would you choose and why? Water. I love to swim, and I love the ocean. Water?s very soothing for me. The sound of it as wind ripples it, the look of light refracting through it, the sense of freedom and grace... definitely water. 10. Would you ever share your heart completely with someone else? If yes, who, if no, why not? Absolutely. You can never expect to get someone else?s heart in return if you?re not willing to give up your own. As for who... most of my friends should already know they?ve got it. I throw myself into friendships and relationships. I hope it?s pretty obvious. 11. Who runs circles around your mind? Once again, he should already know who he is. 12. If you had to paint a self-portrait, would you make it a)realistic, b)abstract, or c)you'd rather die than have to pick up a paint brush? Explain your answer. It would either be B or C. If I express myself artistically, it tends to be abstract. But a lot of times I hate doing it because it never comes out the way I want it to. 13. Which do you prefer more and why, a)natural light, b)candle light, c)florescent light, or d)moonlight? Candle or moonlight. Candle is strange for me, because I?m truly afraid of fire, but I love candles. Moonlight can be just amazing... no wonder I love the moonroof on my car so much. It?s great to be able to drive around at night and have it shining down on me. 14. Do you believe in karma? Do you even know what karma is? I believe in karma to an extent. I don?t believe that everything I do will generate good or bad karma, but I think in the end, things work themselves out and if someone does something really wrong, it will come back to them. And I obviously know what it is. 15. How about fate? Are we all fulfilling a destiny here on earth? I certainly hope that we?re fulfilling a destiny on earth, because if not... I don?t know why I?m here, sometimes. Fate, per se, I?m not sure about. 16. Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, and why? I don?t believe I know any one person who is more thought-provoking than another. All of my friends are thought-provoking in their own way, and that?s part of what makes everyone unique. 17. Who is the most inspiring and why? Once again, I don?t believe one person is more inspiring than another. Everyone I know is inspiring in their own way. 18. If you had to spend the rest of your natural life with only one other human being, who would that be and why? I don?t know if I have an answer to that question. A lot of times I?ve thought I?ve known the answer to that, only to have it change. It varies, and even depends on my mood at times. 19. Which sense could you not live without, and why? It?s so hard to answer. I don?t think I would want to live without any of my senses. I guess though, that the one I could live without the most is.. either smell or taste. If I lost smell, I wouldn?t be able to taste though... but I would rather be able to smell things than be without that... and I would want to be able to see, hear and feel. 20. Have you ever written on a mirror? If so what did you write? I wrote hello, and drew a smiley face. On my makeup holder mirror. In eyeliner. I was young, ok? :) 21. Have you ever written or drawn on another person? If so, who, and what did you write/draw? I honestly can?t remember if I have or not. I think I wrote my number on someone?s hand once. I regularly drew on my shoes with my friend while in PE in the seventh grade. We held tic-tac-toe games on my shoes. We were weird :) 22. What do you wish on? Ummm... when you wish upon a star.... I don?t know! I don?t even know if I wish much any more. 23. Tell the person who sent this to you one thing about yourself, however big or small, that you've never told before. I?ve had this thing so long, I can?t even remember who I got it from. 24. Right now is your life spiraling, or ascending? Why? It depends on what is going on. For the most part... I think it?s ascending. 25. If you could change one thing you did in the last 24 hours, what would it be and why? Ummm. I haven?t really DONE a whole lot in the past 24 hours. Probably try to sleep better and easier ? I didn?t sleep much last night, and my shoulders are very tense. It?d be nice to be a bit more relaxed. 26. What can someone do to you that would turn you on fully physical or mental, or both? He already knows what it is and no one else needs to know! 27. Do you prefer sleeping outside beneath the night sky, or your cozy bed indoors? Why? I?ve never slept outdoors. I?d think for the most part I?d like my bed, but I can see the appeal of being outside. 28. What is the most beautiful thing in the world?. There is a lot of beauty in this world. I don?t think there is a single most beautiful thing, it changes for me constantly. I can think of several things though that I would qualify as being extremely beautiful ? and most, if not all, are way too personal to share. 29. Name one person whose changed your life for the better. Most of my friends, in one way or another, have changed my life for the better. 30. Name one person whose changed your life for the worse. Since I?m still friends with them, and who knows, they might eventually see this... I am not naming names. I doubt they?ll ever see this though. So don?t worry ? if you?re reading this, it?s almost 99% certainly not you! 31. If you knew you were going to pass away within the next few days, what would be the last thing you'd say, and who would you say that to? I think I?d have to call up all my friends and tell them how sorry I was I had to leave... how much I loved them, and how much I hoped that I had as much of an influence on my life as they did in mine. 32. Do you believe in heaven? If so what do you think it will be like? Yes. And I don?t really know what it will be like ? I won?t know until I?m there. 33. Would you rather a) run through a sunflower field, b) jump inside a waterfall, or c) hike through the woods? B. I would like the other two also, but I?d rather be near the water. 34. What is your worst fear in the world? Does it consume you? I think life is my worst fear. I tend to have a lot of fears... they do consume me at times. I am trying to not let my fears run my life now though. 35. What is one thing that can make you smile no matter what mood you're in? Do something goofy that makes THEM laugh. I laugh when other people do, usually. 36. If you could meet anyone, past or present, dead or alive, who would you meet and why? Probably my dad. He died when I was only eight... and I just realized the other day I don?t even remember what his voice sounds like. I?d like to have a few more memories with him. 37. Have you ever written poetry? Have you shared it? I used to constantly write poetry. A few people have seen it. I have to trust someone a LOT before I?ll show it off, for the most part at least. 38. Do you believe experimentation can be a good thing? Why or why not? It depends on what you are experimenting with. It can be good or bad. And anything to an excess can be bad. 39. What was the last thing someone said to you? Online? My friend Karen and I were complaining about how we want to go out but it?s too hot. In person? Ummmm ... something my family said to me but I can?t remember what. 40. What was the last thing you said to them? I agreed with Karen... and my family, I don?t even remember what they said. 41. If you had the ability to change one thing about the world, what would it be and why? Umm... make gas and energy prices cheaper. Make everything I want in life free. Heh. Seriously? Stop some of the senseless violence and suffering. 42. If you could go back in time, where would you go, what would you do, and why? I don?t even know. 43. What is the most bizarre thing you've ever done to yourself? Hated myself. And a lot of other things went with that. 44. And finally, what makes you you? How can anyone really define that? I am what I am ? and that is what makes me, me. There?s always someone else who loves hockey, loves the internet, has a lot of great friends, is 5?1, plays Dance Dance Revolution, is great at video games, can write well, is into techno music, drives a civic, etcetcetc but there?s only going to be one ME who does all of that, and more. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 12th, 2001
1:12 pm	42 Long live Douglas Adams. That comedic genius who gave us Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is gone, and there's been much sadness in the air. Always happens when someone dies unexpectedly. *goes to read* (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 3rd, 2001
1:28 am	updates So. I said I'd update my journal. I really will. Soon. I was going to -- then I fell asleep. Keep going out with Mel (not that I'm complaining ) and then coming home at, oh 1am or so. I'm tired. Will update soon, I swear! (Comment on this)